my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
