Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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