So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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