i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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