She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize