Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
