last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
