if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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