Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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