got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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