Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
