...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize