They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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