My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
