this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
