you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
