well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
