i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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