I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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