she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I will be naked everywhere
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
