he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
