i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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