You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
