very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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