Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize