I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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