I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
