Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
