He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
