theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
