they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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