I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
