Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
