thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
