before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
