Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
