They should really pass out barf bags in church
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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