Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
