...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
