Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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