well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
