Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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