So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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