Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
