masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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