he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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