dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
