apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
