haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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