Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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