i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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