PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize