"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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