I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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