So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
