I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
3 2 1 whiskey
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
