Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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