my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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