Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
