i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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