Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
