I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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