i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
