I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
