he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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