Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I love you.
Bad choice
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
