Will you blow on my dice?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
