the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
