Sry I called you an 8
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
