i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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