Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
