yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize