My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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