I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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